Fallen Leafs

sportscentr:

findtheswagger:

Quick! Someone find Gene Wojciechowski a new subject. I feel like I’ve read this article (or variations of it) at least five or six times before.

To sum it up to save you some time, current Giants = wacky and lovable!  Barry Bonds = evil, black cloud that hung over the ballpark and destroyed anything good.

The Giants won the World Series last year. Barry Bonds hasn’t played for them (or any other team) since 2007.  TIME TO MOVE ON, GENE.

Look, Barry Bonds was a dick. He probably wasn’t the nicest teammate. And yet, in the 2002 World Series, Barry Bonds hit .471 with four home runs, two doubles, and 13 walks. In Game 6, he hit a home run that put the Giants up 4-0. Is Wojciechowski really arguing that the bullpen blew a five-run lead just because there weren’t enough pranks in the clubhouse?

I hate people when they use too much logic, and thus, make too much sense. So un-American.

So this weekend, the Giants need to gain ground in their division, but more importantly, they have to stick it to Canada for burning down the White House during the War of 1812. And also for the metric system. And for pretending that Canadian bacon is totally different from ham. O’ Canada - you’re in for a world of hurt. You’re just lucky you’ve got socialized health care.

You hear that challenge, Toronto Blue Jays? Oh, it’s on like Megatron. The Blue Jays need to punish America for their excessive gluttony of fast foods, spelling everything with “er” than “re”, exporting every possible reality show to our airwaves, and sending Canada your “light” beers. We know Budweiser is made from failed American Dreams. After Canada’s finished with you, America, prepare to get a terse “thank you very much” after you purchase our cheap medicine.